I'm the best man in a wedding this coming Saturday. I've thought about the damn toast forever and I really haven't come up with much. Now it's crunch time. Let me hear any ideas you have.

About him: He's a stock broker, cheap as hell, practically Jewish. I've known him for 15 years. He's a pretty regular guy, big football fan and sports fan in general. He won't mind if I bash him a bit.

About her: She's an elementary school teacher and a gigantic worry wart. I don't care if she minds if I bash her a bit.

Also, they've never had actual sex. They have all kinds of fun with oral stuff, but for some reason, they thought they should wait until marriage for genital to genital interaction. I'm not sure if I want to bring this up or not, but if you can think of something funny, I'll go for it.

So, gimme ideas. Serious, funny, whatever. Gogogogogogogogogogoogogog1@#$

Lee

The basic storylin I have run twice, and that has worked well:

After all welcome and thanks etc. Congratulations to "the Groom" for such a great catch. "The Bride" is as we all know beautiful, caring, fun jada jada.. So congratulations to "The Groom". And I sjould also congratulate The Bride, since The Groom he is...., He has. [Long hesitatiaon]. He is not all that bad! (said with hesitation)

And I really mean that, he is not all that bad.

And then I run a few fun stories of what the Groom has done, ususally some innocent but still funny stuff, and turn it into how it shows he is a great guy - that link could even be farfetched.

And then I summarize with: As I know have proven, The Groom is not all that bad after all. [Now said with emphasis in a way that it comes out as a compliment - it at least works in Swedish]

So with two such great people we are all convinced that this will be a happy marriage. Toast.

It has worked well for me.

My brain stopped working when I read they hadn't boinked yet. They're getting married and haven't boinked yet. How messed up is that?


Maybe some anal jokes would be in order?

Tehee.

MEH...not bringin up the fact they havent had sex yet would be a sin...im shure more people prolly know that than u think...and if they dont...well, now they will!

Do they have lots of little nieces and nephews there? If so I think it might be best to not mention the sex thing.