1) Banging my first hooker. Germany 1990. I was 18 years old, fresh out of boot camp, and had just arrived in country. A couple of the older guys decided I HAD to go with them to the red light district and bone some random skank. Peer pressure is a bitch and I ended up finally going upstairs with one of the ho’s. Hooker #2-#23223222 were so much better.

2) Seeing my first dead body. Iraqi 1991. I don’t remember what day it was because all those days were a bit of a blur. It was probably the second or third day of the offensive. I just remember my platoon sergeant getting all keyed while looking over a berm. When we went over the other side there were 3 dead Iraqi soldiers. It was strange because they looked like wax dummies to me. They were just basically laying there on the ground, almost looking as if they were taking a nap. Of course there were several holes in them, but other than that you wouldn’t have even known they were dead. The craziest part was about ¼ up the road from there. A pretty ugly scene where a couple of Apache helicopters caught about 10 or 12 trucks in open terrain. Massive carnage like you wouldn’t believe. The image that has stuck with me all my life is of another dead Iraqi soldier who’s corpse was on a road. Somebody in a tracked vehicle had come by and ran over his head. Pretty f’ed up.

3) Watching 3 hot strippers have sex in a hot tub at a party. My ex-wife was a stripper when I was in college in Austin. One night we were at a house party when her and two of her “co-workers” ended up in the hot tub naked. One thing led to another and eventually the three of them took turns on one another. God I wish I would have owned a video camera…

4) UT winning the national title. 4th down and 5 yards to go the 8 yard line. 19 seconds on the clock. USC leads Texas 38-33. Vince Young takes the snap and scrambles to the right. They aren’t going to get him! Touchdown!!! Texas wins!!!! Hook Em baby!

5) The day my father died. I was 16 years old and it was August. I’d just come home for the night from my summer job. I worked in the Cascade mountains in Washington putting out slash burns. I was covered from head to toe in soot and dirt. My younger brother was off crying somewhere and my mom was all misty eyed (my parents had divorced years earlier). She told me my dad had been killed in a car accident in Southern California.

Starting from youth to adulthood, it’s hard to limit it to 5 when you’re an old fart.

1. Being a star high school athlete and the perks that go with it. Plus from age 29 to 35 playing Class “B” Softball for Coors Light for the friends I made, the travel the wins and the free beer.

2. Seeing 7 died bodies at one time. 3 in one car and 4 crispy critters in the other car. (Head on accident I worked)

3. Seeing a 16 year old kid take a bullet in the head during the execution of a narcotics search warrant. The worst the kid would have got was a year or two in TYC. The shooting was justified.

4. A chemical plant I was working in when a turbine generator blew up.

5. Every time I go to Vegas!