A PEEK AT THE DIARY OF VICTORIA BECKHAM

As seen by Marina Hyde
Saturday January 20, 2007
The Guardian

As David has pacifically stated, we are not moving to Los Angeles for the money. We're doing it to help kids. Signing for LA Black Hole or whatever means David can give countless children a truly precious gift: the gift of knowing he earns £70,000 a day.

That's coincidentally the exact figure our new best friend Tom Cruise currently wipes off a film's box office for every second he's on screen - except Tom says there are no coincidences, and he's going to sell me some $100,000 books on the subject when I have my complimentary first Scientology audit - so he seems just the guy to mastermind our entry to Hollywood society. He's already fixed us a power brunch with Michael Richards out of Seinfeld.

I can't remember where I read it - it certainly wouldn't have been in a book - but Americans don't get irony. So today I decided against my "Brand Beckham TM" T-shirt, and wore a knitted bubble dress, spinster-chic woollen tights, and four-inch heeled lace-ups inspired by nurses' footwear in the austerity years. I was dropping off my CV at CTU and first impressions count.

The only minor downside, all told, is that it turns out having a kid called Brooklyn here is like having one called Guildford back home, so we're going to rebrand him LaLa or Galaxy. Whichever polls strongest in the Midwest, really.