So, Mr. Senator, you are against "gambling." Please explain what gambling is.

Chuck E Cheese is a pizza place. They also have lots of fun games aimed at 3-year-olds and up, everything from whack-a-mole to video golf to shooting baskets to skee-ball. Each game costs a token, or about 25c. After you play each game, you get a certain number of tickets. The better you play the game, the more tickets you get. After you accumulate a bunch of tickets, you can cash them in for prizes.

If I play the games at Chuck E Cheese, am I gambling?

What is the difference between playing the games at Chuck E Cheese and playing a poker tournament?

Why haven't you shut down all the Chuck E Cheese outlets nationwide?

Ditto all amusement parks that have games where you can win prizes, for the same reason.

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If you play miniature golf, is that gambling?

If you play miniature golf, but on the 19th hole there is a "make a hole in one and get a free game of miniature golf" promotion, is that gambling?

If you play miniature golf with the 19th hole promotion, but you get TWO free games of miniature golf if you win, is that gambling?

If you can cash your two free games in for their cash value, is that gambling?

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If I pay 25c to play PacMan, is that "gambling"?

If I pay 50c to play PacMan, is that "gambling"?

If I pay $10.00 to play PacMan, is that "gambling"?

If I pay $10.00 to play PacMan, and if I get more than 20,000 points I get a free game, is that "gambling"?

If I pay $10.00 to play PacMan, and if I get more than 20,000 points I get TWO free games, is that "gambling"?

If I pay $10.00 to play PacMan, and if I get more than 20,000 points I get two free games, and if I can get a certificate for those two free games and cash them in for their fair price ($20.00) -- is that gambling?

What is the difference between the last scenario and video poker?

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It's really kind of silly, when you think about it.

If you pay $10.00 per hour to be entertained, that's called "entertainment."

If you enter a free prize giveaway contest, that's called, well, entering a free prize giveaway contest. Even if the free prize is just cash, there's nothing wrong with it. Radio stations have "call in and guess the answer and win $$" promotions all the time. "Deal or No Deal" gives away $10,000 if you guess the lucky case. A zillion other examples.

But if you combine the two (pay your admission fee, have some fun, and then at the end of the day have a chance of winning a prize) -- that's called "gambling" and is morally wrong. Except for some cases, like going to Chuck E Cheese or an amusement park or playing mini golf, when even though you pay money in and have a chance to win prizes out, it's not gambling.

It's all just weird. And I don't understand it.

Don't be so obtuse. Everyone knows that online gambling supports terrorism and drug trafficking. Didn't you read the damn thing???