Here's a good one I heard the other day. It took me a few seconds to get it.

Two guys walk into a bar. One of them says, "You didn't see that either?"


Get it? Ha Ha. Okay. It's your turn to tell a corny joke.

A priest, a rabbi, and a fireman walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What? Is this a joke?"

Three guys walk into a bar: A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile, and that's just the first guy.

Haha.

Paging TightWad... Paging TightWad to the Anything Goes section...

Woops. Double post. Stupid computer/

A baby seal walks into a club.

What do a fat woman and a vespa scooter have in common??

They're fun to rid til your friends find out.

What do coors light and sex in a canoe have in common?

Both are Fuking close to water

What do u call a man w/ no arms or legs who is under a car?



Jack

Man runs into a bar and says, hey do any of you guys have a black cat with a white chest, about 5 foot tall and no tail?

Everyone in the bar shakes their heads.

He says, Sh*t i've just run over a a nun.

For my Texas pals:

Why don't Baptists make love standing up?
They don't want God to think their dancing.

Two Aggies walk into a gay bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The Aggies say, "Only teasippers, huh?"

My father is an Aggie.
We've gotten over it.

Why hasn't Texas fallen into the Gulf?
Because Oklahoma sucks.

If I owned Houston and Hell, I'd live in Hell and rent out Houston.

Two old ladies are outside smoking cigarettes. It starts to rain, so lady #1 pulls out a condom, pokes a hole in the end, and puts it over her cigarette to keep it try. Lady #2 says, "Hey, what's that?" Lady #1 says "It's called a condom, you can pick 'em up at the drug store." So the next day, lady #2 walks into the drug store and says "Gimme a pack of condoms." The clerk says, "Any particular size?" to which the lady replies, "Yeah, it's gotta fit a camel."

Whadaya call a female sex-change operation? That'd be an addadictamy.

For my wife's last birthday, she asked me to take her somewhere she's never been before. So I took her to the kitchen.

On our anniversary, I bought her a brand new Lexus. She loved that car so much, she said she wanted to make love in the back-seat! Only problem is, she wanted me to drive.

An old couple go to the doctor for a check-up, and the doctor asks the old guy for a stool sample, a urine sample, and a seman sample. "Eh?" says the old guy, who's rather hard of hearing. So the old lady screams, "He says he wants a pair of your underwear!"

-TW

Reports out a precinct in southern San Diego say that a thief or set of thieves broke into police headquarters and stole all the toilets. The thieves got away without leaving any clues at all, and the police have nothing to go on.

This one is racist, so if you are at all offended, I apologize in advance.




A Chinese guy walks into a bar. He walks up to the black bartender and says, "Give me a drink, nigger."

The black man gets offended and decides he wants to give the Chinese man a taste of his own medicine. They switch roles for a minute and now the black guy walks into the bar. He walks up to the Chinese guy and says, "Give me a drink, Chink."

The Chinese guy looks at him and says, "Sorry, we don't serve niggers."