I really wish people wouldn't write such meaningless bullshit when "Hi, I'm your new affiliate manager. My position is largely meaningless but if you want to complain about something this is one of the email addresses you could use" would suffice.

From: "Pallavi" <pallavid@partygaming.com>
Reply-To: "Pallavi" <pallavid@partygaming.com>
To: "Ian" <born_to_knit@hotmail.com>
Subject: PartyPartners New Account Manager
Date: Wed, 12 Apr 2006 21:00:31 +0100






Dear Ian ,

The purpose of this letter is to briefly introduce myself as your new account manager.

Accordingly, as a first step in my customer familiarization process, I would like to understand the concerns and requirements you have regarding your affiliate account. At the same time I would also like to take that opportunity to briefly review our latest offering of products and services. As your account manager, I believe that my paramount concern is how both my company and I can better serve you. You may let me know any kind of issues you have (new or pending) and I will get them resolved ASAP.

I look forward to hear from you.



Regards,

Pallavi Deshmukh

Manager-Affiliate Relations

Party Gaming Marketing (UK) Limited

email: pallavid@partygaming.com

Direct Number : +44 2073370228

Fax: +44 2073370101

www.partygaming.com


This email is sent by PartyGaming Marketing (UK), a provider of services to PartyGaming Marketing (Gibraltar). The contents of this email may be subject to approval by an authorized representative of PartyGaming Marketing (Gibraltar).The information contained in this email, and any attachments hereto, is strictly confidential and solely intended for use by the individual(s) and/or entity(s) to which it is addressed. If you have received this email in error, please notify the System Manager at admin@partygaming.com as soon as possible.






My Response....





Hi, Pallavi,

It's nice you have such concerns as to both my new AND my pending issues. ANY issues no less. Covering both bases truly must be a full time job, so I'm glad that PartyPartners are paying you well. I must say, I truly see you as the champion of both the people and your customers. ANY customers.

Perhaps an appropriate first step in your "customer familiarization process" would be to introduce both one of my current and one of my pending issues. Recently, I've noticed a sort of downy, wiry hair growing on the shaft of my penis. Spreading all over my genitalia like a bad case of dry rot. Now, I'm currently in my mid 20s and (at least I would hope) have finished my "growy years", yet this development continues apace. This certainly is a developing issue! I was wondering if this might've been something you have experienced at some point in your career as a PartyPartners account manager, and whether you would have any advice or ideas about potential chemical or pharmaceutical treatments.

Well, Pallavy, normally it wouldn't bother me, but lately, due to the wiry nature of my pelage, masturbation has become somewhat akin to trying to aggresively pet a porcupine, or strangle a horse brush. I can imagine that, for my many online "viewers", at www.pinktaint.com, this is an increasingly bizarre and worrying spectacle. All the other poker players have started laughing at me in the showers too, and I'm afraid it might turn me into a gibbering psycopath with deep seated psychological issues. If I end up killing both my parents in a yeti-like fury without yourself or Party Gaming lifting a finger to at least "serve me" I really don't know what I can do. Especially if I have a crotch like a privet hedge. You're my only friends in the world, Pallavie. I'm really at my wits end.

I'll be honest, Pallavi, your email was like a bolt out of the blue and right now you're my only hope. Salvation is sometimes found in the strangest places, and I'm hoping you can be my guardian angel.

Yours in anticpation of a rapid and efficient resolution, as you so bravely promised, "ASAP",

Lots of love,

Ian


P.S. I really like your name but I find it really hard to pronounce.

Update - 2 hours from sending I haven't received any sort of help. I'll keep you posted.

Please fix link....I was unable to load pinktaint.com and I really need that stuff.

Must. Stop. Reading. BTP. At. Work.......

any news?