Pretty much, just an insane damn day. I barely knock off the 400 hands at 20NL to stay in the black by $9. Every draw, and I mean every draw that anyone had against me, hit. Okay, maybe some gutters missed, but if it was a flush draw it got there. Meanwhile, of course, I miss every damn draw I have. Not one of those fuckers comes through. Also a gem, I have tp/tk drawing to the nutflush and some douchebag with a pair of sevens is calling trying to hit the flush and rivers his 7, wheeeee!
So, later in the day, I start up some tables at UB. I piss away $20 when I river the nutflush on a paired board. The guy played his hand weird and I couldn't put him on the FH. I couldn't, perhaps I "should have"? Anyway, I'm getting a bit pissed, as mixed in with that hand is more insanity. For some reason, perhaps the tilt?, I think I only have 4 buy-ins at UB. 4 times 25 is obviously only $100, but apparently I'm as good at math now as I am at poker. So, I log off, and log on to Cake to transfer some monies. This may take up to 24 hours, so I say fuck it, I'll just play some 50NL here. So, I do. Things go well, and I'm up a bit. One of my tables breaks up and I decide I'll stay one more orbit at the other table. I'm in the BB w/ KJo and flop tp on a J high flop w/ two diamonds. I bet and get two callers. I bet the turn and get two callers. Ship the river flush card. Check fold. I'm now down slightly. Here's the hand:
MP limps, I limp
![The Ten of Spades [Ts]](https://www.pofex.com/images/smilies/Ts.gif)
, Btn limps, SB limps and BB checks.
Flop:
![The Six of Spades [6s]](https://www.pofex.com/images/smilies/6s.gif)
($2.20)
BB bets half pot $1.10, MP calls, I raise to $5, Btn (huge donkey) calls, SB folds, BB eventually folds, MP calls.
Turn:

($17)
MP checks, I bet $12, and they both call. I'm expecting a raise from a FH, so sort of thinking I might be okay.
River:
![The Ten of Clubs [Tc]](https://www.pofex.com/images/smilies/Tc.gif)
($52)
MP leads $11. I have $26 left, so this could be a value bet, maybe a blocking bet, I dunno, but I don't see how I can fold with the pot this large, I call. BTn folds or calls, I don't remember. MP has 96s. Cue Tuff Fish tilt
Cue the following thought process: what the hell is wrong with me? Why can I not play this fucking game anymore? I once was a proud donkey crushing player and I now can't beat the micro levels for more than marginal wins. Have I forgotten how to play?
I'm serious about this. I really am struggling mentally. I keep waiting for a normal run of cards lasting several thousand hands, instead of the one night reprieves I've been getting to pull myself back to break even or slightly up. 10K hands of 20NL and I'm up $9. That's ridiculous, even if I'm learning 6-max, I should be able to outplay people at these limits for at least a few buy-ins. Only I keep playing stupid. I call off a huge push for 90% of my stack on a paired board...why the hell did I do that? And, I did that shit twice in the same damn night. This is horrendous play from me. I never would have done this three months ago. Lately, however, I seem to have lost part of my brain. And now I'm wondering whether the first 100K hands of my career was me running hot, and what I'm experiencing now is just "normal." This is what it's really like. This is the normal run of cards. So many coolers and suck outs in one day that you lose count... le sigh.
And then I was done feeling sorry for myself. Fired up some tables at UB after I realized that I had plenty of money in the account and made back nearly all that I had lost earlier. No big pots, just one small one after the next, nothing excitingor spectacular; just basic poker. This game is complex, but concomitantly, it is simple. Bet, raise, call, fold. Four little options. Just pick the best one against the type of player and the situation and let the cards fall where they may. Sometimes I'm a real whiny bitch. I may not be over this negativity, but I really hope I am, as I have some work to do and a game to learn.
"A big day in my career was the day I realized that tomorrow I would still be a tilter." -- Tommy Angelo