So, let me ask you people something

[KrautDago]

So, being new to this forum, and hoping people will take me Just Seriously enough, I ask everyone reading:

What the heck do you people eat before a big tournament to get you in the Zone to take the other player's hard earned pennies, eh? Just wondering, because maybe I need to change my diet.

[TightWad]

Well, I can give you a run-down of what most of the regulars here eat:

Monk : Cheap w-a-n-k-e-r, chased by expensive scotch.
Any Non-Monk Brits on the board : Month-old crumpets.
MG : My SLUT of a sister, sadly enough.
Ice : A nice big bowl of "Weak-Tighteeos."
TW : I eat monkeys for breakfast. (Flashback humor, anyone?)
Starstealer : Eats my K3s and craps out half his stack.

Yeah, that about covers it.

-TW

[TexasKowboy]

What I bring to the table is a can of snuff and a jack and water sometimes with lime sometimes without.

If I run out of jack and water before the first hour I run madly through the house to the kitchen. Add ice to the glass and run madly back to the computer. See that I have been dealt 83 off for the 51st time. Click fold and run back to the kitchen and pour the glass half full of jack add water and run back to the computer so the I can click fold when I see that I have been dealt 83 off for the 52nd time.

Sit back. Spit my dip out. Hit the fold button after 92 soooooted shows up. Happy that it wasn't 83 off again. Start nursing my drink till the 1st break. Make my third drink in leasure. Take a leak. then back to the grind.

Now jack is wanting to play a few hands and he likes 83 off because it gives him a chance to take down a monster when the board flops 883. I figure if jack can play 83 off then what the hell I'm playing 92 sooooted. Before long I am short stacked only to catch AA. I push all in get one caller who flips over 97 soooted. He picks up this straight on the turn and his flush on the river. I type in the little chat box "That's Poker".

I make another drink. move to my easy chair and fall asleep watching Celebrity Poker Show Down. I want to pick up a few pointers before I dream of the WSOP. Final table with only 3 players left. Moneymaker, Fossleman and Kowboy. I wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Oh yeah and never eat oreos while playing.

[TightWad]

LoL, very nice job, Tex! It's nice to see that there's still some folks in the world that can be humorous without resorting to the low-class vulgarity and awful taste that has become my MO. Good on ya, bro!

-TW

[KrautDago]

TW lies like the dog that he is by the way. He eats anything put in front of him that he doesn't have to prepare himself, and he's an absolute slob!

[Mad Genius]

[briachek]

Hey TW, is Kraut you roommate?

[TightWad]

Kraut is not, in fact, my worthless leech of a roommate...He's a friend who I will be attempting to teach limit poker to starting in May. So don't you go and ruin my reputation! I can't have him thinking his teacher is...I don't know, a jackass or something...

-TW

[briachek]

I think i speak for a lot of us.....nothing he says can make us think lesser of you TW.

Also, are you paying him so that you can give him lessons because he definitely shouldn't be paying you.

[Rhound50]

Yeah I thought you had to know something to teach it, maybe thats just me.

[TightWad]

Well, THANKS A PLUCKING LOT, Bri and RHound! Up until now, my lil' guinnea pig was under the impression that I was a world-class poker player. But, NO! We can't let TW have a little fun with someone else's money, SCREW DAT! Damn you fuckers and your damned honesty.



-TW

[TightWad]

[Rhound50]

[Mad Genius]

You are a failure TW. At life and at poker.

[TightWad]

(sigh)

I sincerely believe that someday, you'll all give me the respect I deserve as a class-act/real-American-hero.

-TW