When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
>take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it
>out on someone you don't know.
>
> I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
>to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
> I politely said, "This is Christopher. Could I please speak with Robyn
>Carter?"
>
> Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in
>number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
>
> I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
>Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
>transposed the last two digits.
>
> After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
>again.
> When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
>hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
>and put it in my desk drawer.
>
> Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
>day,
>I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
>
> It always cheered me up.
>
> When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole
>calling" would have to stop.
>
> So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
>Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
>Program?"
>
> He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
>
> I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
>asshole!"
>
> One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
>spot.
>Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
>patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
>for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
>his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the
>number.
>
> A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had
>his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
>asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
>
> "Yes, it is", he said.
>
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
>
> "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
>and
>the car's parked right out in front."
>
> "What's your name?" I asked.
>
> "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
>
> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>
> "I'm home every evening after five."
>
> "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
> "Yes?"
>
> "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
>speed dial, too.
>
> Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came
>up
>with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
>
> "Hello."
>
> "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
>
> "Are you still there?" he asked.
>
> "Yeah," I said.
>
> "Stop calling me," he screamed
>
> "Make me," I said.
>
> "Who are you?" he asked.
>
> "My name is Don Hansen."
>
> "Yeah? Where do you live?"
>
> "Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
>my
>black Beamer parked in front."
>
> He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
>saying your prayers."
>
> I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
>
> Then I called Asshole #2 "Hello?" he said.
>
> "Hello, asshole," I said.
>
> He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
> "You'll what?" I said.
>
> "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
>
> I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
>right
>now."
>
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
>lived
>at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill
>my gay lover.
>
> Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
>down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
>
> I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there
>just
>in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
>front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
>
> NOW I feel much better.
>
> Anger management really works!!!!
